Going Through the Motions

So life's pretty fucked. Seriously. Its almost 5am and I'm still working on a paper. History of Chinese Painting, why you hate me so? FAFSA, dorm papers, grad requirements, double major, new language....I'm so fucking exhausted. Not to mention work...ugh

I finally cleaned my room out. Found my Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Musical CD from high school. I miss shit like this. It was such an easier time, life full of innocence, and not jaded from the bitter pangs of life. God...

I gauged my ears up to 3/4 just to remind myself that I am awake. I am alive. I am here. I really want new ink. Tattoos for my friends who have been there for me through my darkest times. I got quite a few good ideas. I can't wait to come into money so I can finally do something for myself for a change.

How did things end up this way? We had our problems but they were never this bad. I've literally sold all my possessions to make enough money to get by for a week and you, not even in California for a week, demand it all. So I send it all like a prize idiot and now have the last $40 to my name. I can't believe that all you care about is coming back to Hawaii after trying to get off this rock for years. You hang all your problems out to dry where everyone can see and yet you expect me to solve them. I shouldn't have sent you the money. I should have let you live with the dumb choices you've made. You're ruining my life. You can even say a simple "thank you" for the money I sent. Today you ask if I still love you. Let me ask you, would you still love me if I did this to you? No you wouldn't. You wouldn't take my calls and texts at 3am nor would you even consider sending me money because all you care about is your own welfare. Being in a relationship is about compromise and telling each other how you truly feel. I've seen the truth and I don't like it. I don't know how much longer I can let you eat away at my soul.