Going Through the Motions

So life's pretty fucked. Seriously. Its almost 5am and I'm still working on a paper. History of Chinese Painting, why you hate me so? FAFSA, dorm papers, grad requirements, double major, new language....I'm so fucking exhausted. Not to mention work...ugh

I finally cleaned my room out. Found my Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Musical CD from high school. I miss shit like this. It was such an easier time, life full of innocence, and not jaded from the bitter pangs of life. God...

I gauged my ears up to 3/4 just to remind myself that I am awake. I am alive. I am here. I really want new ink. Tattoos for my friends who have been there for me through my darkest times. I got quite a few good ideas. I can't wait to come into money so I can finally do something for myself for a change.

How did things end up this way? We had our problems but they were never this bad. I've literally sold all my possessions to make enough money to get by for a week and you, not even in California for a week, demand it all. So I send it all like a prize idiot and now have the last $40 to my name. I can't believe that all you care about is coming back to Hawaii after trying to get off this rock for years. You hang all your problems out to dry where everyone can see and yet you expect me to solve them. I shouldn't have sent you the money. I should have let you live with the dumb choices you've made. You're ruining my life. You can even say a simple "thank you" for the money I sent. Today you ask if I still love you. Let me ask you, would you still love me if I did this to you? No you wouldn't. You wouldn't take my calls and texts at 3am nor would you even consider sending me money because all you care about is your own welfare. Being in a relationship is about compromise and telling each other how you truly feel. I've seen the truth and I don't like it. I don't know how much longer I can let you eat away at my soul.

its been more than a year

lots has happened bloggers.

started working at old navy. got promoted twice, from seasonal to lead of the fitting room to cash handler. Pretty crazy, crazy awesome.

as Ashley have our problems she pulled a vacation out of her ass and we went to SLO and disneyland on my birthday. wasnt that bad, but now the thing is to see if the great time we had was because of the vacation or if we can really work when things go back to normal with work and school.

speaking of school paying for it is getting harder and harder. why is an education so important when the institutions won't allow students to attend because of the expense?

anyway more later when there's more to blog about!!

apply

apply one's self to:

work

life

school work

love

friends

applied to:

bestbuy

apple

disney

st. germaine's

petco

3d class is pretty awesome. i might take more sculpture classes. =D painting and sculpture.  combine the two and make crazy art. ashley and i are good. first real big argument.  got over it. i swear sometimes we fight like an old married couple in the grocery store. its for her place and i'm driving the cart and doing the math. ugh.

california left me filling mixed. dunno. need time to sort things through. she knows. she understands, but i know she doesn't want anything to change. 

In Cali.

Seen LA, the Chinese movie theater, El Capitan, virgin superstore, lots of adult shops, in n out, riverside, azuza, hookah bar

Glendale today and murrieta too. Maybe downtown Disney.

It's been a blast hanging out with Kelbi and Shermz and Joel

recent thoughts

so with the recent drop in requirements in the art dept. i've decided to stick with my original plan. get my B.A. and get out. i'm just over school. i've been in it for too long and want to get other parts of my life started. 2 japanese classes 3 writing intensive classes 4 art studio classes (all of which need to be 300 level or higher...but since i'm not there yet it'll probably be more) 2 upper level art history art 175 12 classes in all. 3 semesters. plus the summer sessions to be sure i'm on track. i want out of school and out of this retail job. (lifetouch you still want me? lol)

that point

its there.  i dont even care about school. art history is a joke and my 2d design teacher is a joke.  japanese seems impossible and the only class i really want to do good in has the most things due.  

i just want off this rock.  the 16 - 23 will save my sanity.

may 26 - july 2 summer session 1

july 6 - august 14 summer session 2

both while working a the store and studio

all i really want is for school to be done with. i know its the best years of my life, but can't i get out of them already? i grew up too fast to want to party and stay out late.  parts of me wish i could but its just not in me